i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
