We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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