Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
