why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
