You're so nebulous sometimes
never play flip cup with pint glasses
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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