Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
