just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
