her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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