How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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