My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
