today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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