I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
