She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
