I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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