What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
porn star boner night. come get it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
