So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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