He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
