We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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