Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
