we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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