i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I got inside last night via doggy door
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
