I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
