I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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