I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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