I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
3 2 1 whiskey
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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