we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
