I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
