there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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