i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize