thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
