I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
