glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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