we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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