i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
