Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
