I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
