I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
being pregnant is like rehab
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
