My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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