A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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