i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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