U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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