That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
