I wish I could teleport
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
