i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
