You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
