dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
