It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
