oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
