Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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