Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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