recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
