first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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