I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize