found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
