is your mom at the bar?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When are your genitals available?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
