i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
