It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
