I cannot find my penis.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
