my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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