Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
