He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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