were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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