Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
