at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
