i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i now understand why vodka
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
