shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
