please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
