It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
