allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
