They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
