I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
