Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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