my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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