I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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