apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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