I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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