well I can't set my house on fire every night
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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