that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
