Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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