The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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