I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
