We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize