At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
