I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
