I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
even my farts smell like vagina
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
