What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
