It's like a parade of train wrecks.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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