It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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