dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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