you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize