I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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