Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
