Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
