I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I pour the whiskey from now on
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
