R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so explain again why im purple
no
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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