Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
