How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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