meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
