I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
