i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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