i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
