dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
