The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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