i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
