1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
