You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
