we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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