i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
