mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You left your phone here
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