I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
