Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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