Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
