dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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