The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
