Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am one with the molecules
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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