She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Success! We fucked roommates!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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