Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
