you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
