Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
