I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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