Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
