We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
