took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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